« March 2006 | Main | May 2006 »

April 30, 2006

Stephen Colbert Blasts Bush Administration! Ha ha ha.

So Stephen Colbert "blasted" the Bush Administration in his speech at the White House Correspondent's Dinner. "This performance will soon be legend."

Seriously? Do people think this is funny? Because even the lefties making up the audience didn't seem to think things were very funny. The President himself got a lot more laughs. Seriously, nobody seems to be enjoying this. The second part is even less funny. Geesh.

Posted by March at 06:03 PM | Comments (0)

April 28, 2006

Typo of the Day: 4-28-06

So I'm applying for this job, and they are really pressing the importance of correct spelling. After all, who would hire someone who can't spell?

UPDATE: Oops! There's a typo even *I* missed!

Posted by March at 10:57 PM | Comments (0)

April 27, 2006

Latinos to Shut Down McDonalds on Monday

Apparently Latinos all over the country are planning on leaving work just to show how important they are to our society. Get your Big Macs now if you want them. No... seriously.

Signs in front of some fast-food restaurants in the Seattle area already are warning customers that service on Monday might be curtailed or the businesses may be closed.

I'm not sure what to think of this. On one hand, actually being able to understand the person taking your order will be a relief. On the other hand, unlike the white people that work fast food, the Latinos aren't psychotic morons. (And I mean moron in the most literal of senses.)

In other news, I go to court on Monday as well. Unfortunately, the cop that pulled me over was not a Latino, so he could potentially show up, provided he can read the letter asking him to show up to court. Which, frankly, he probably can't. Because he was stupid. He was dumb. Get it? I'm mad at the cops. Can you tell?

Maybe if the guy had pulled me over for actually committing some sort of violation, instead of just making up stuff.

Posted by March at 05:49 PM | Comments (0)

April 26, 2006

Check Out This Picture of Timmy

Check out this picture of Timmy I found on the internet.

I wonder who he's with.

What? Oh, I'm so sorry! That's not Timmy! That's the guy that plays Draco Malfoy. I get them confused all the time.

Posted by March at 01:21 PM | Comments (5)

A Little Plagarism in Beauty and the Beast?

My lovely sister has pointed out something interesting on the message boards that I thought all should notice.

She found a rendition of Beauty and the Beast from the old Muppet Show. Listen to the music carefully. Does it sound a little familiar. Just a bit?

Now listen to the prologue from the Disney film Beauty and the Beast.


Posted by March at 12:37 PM | Comments (5)

April 25, 2006

My McMemoirs: The Arch Deluxe

For a couple years in the mid-90s, I worked as a "manager" at McDonalds. Stuff was too weird not to share someday.

When McDonalds released the Arch Deluxe back in 1996, there was much great fanfare about how it was the new "adult" choice for McDonalds customers. In fact, McDonalds had a whole new adult line of burgers, including the Crispy Chicken Deluxe, the Fish Filet Deluxe, and the Grilled Chicken Deluxe. The Arch Deluxe was the only genuinely new sandwich, however, since the others were mostly existing sandwiches with upgraded lettuce on potato buns.

First off, I gotta say that even though I worked at McDonalds at the time, the Arch Deluxe was (in my opinion) actually pretty good. I don't mean "good for McDonalds" good, but actually good, like the kind of food I would seek out. It is many ways a shame that the Arch Deluxe did not survive, but the disgusting clay mush known as the Quarter Pounder w/ Cheese is still around. Then again, I had the advantage of actually working at McDonalds. That meant that instead of buying one of the five minute old burgers in the food bin (I'm being optimistic here) I'd special order mine. I'd even ask for fresh meat. Seriously, McDonalds employees hate people like that, but I hated most of them already anyway.

We'd been readying ourselves for the Arch Deluxe for quite some time at McDonalds. Most of us got the chance to eat one before they debuted, and many of us agreed they were very good. There was a lot of excitement in the air. And then finally the big day arrived.

It was crazy. It was crazy even for McDonalds, which back in the 90s was much crazier than it is now. It wasn't abnormal for us to have forty people in the lobby waiting to order. We often would have four or five people taking orders, and the food was served lightning quick (since it was mostly all pre-made.) But the Arch Deluxe launch was insane. Nearly every single person was ordering at least one Arch Deluxe. That Sunday's newspaper had announced the new burger, and included a coupon for a FREE Arch Deluxe. Nearly everyone was taking advantage of the offer.

Orders started to slow down after a few days, but the Arch Deluxe was still a very popular burger. It was hard to keep up with demand. The burger was a true success. There was just one problem.

Nobody was paying for it. Almost all of the burgers sold the first week were free giveaways. But it got worse. Customers were being given free coupons for more Arch Deluxes every time they ordered. We had thousands and thousands of the things. It was getting ridiculous. Finally, after three weeks of giving away our most expensive burger, we put a stop to the whole mess. We couldn't afford to keep giving the things away.

And then something interesting happened. Demand literally dried up. Where as our bin full of pre-made food would often have up to 12 Arch Deluxes at any given time, now they might have two, and even those probably wouldn't be sold.

The Arch Deluxe was a flop. Part of the problem centered around the notion that McDonalds can ever attract a more adult, even upscale clientele. Part of the problem is that the Arch Deluxe was probably the most unhealthy food ever sold at McDonalds. By unhealthy I mean just in terms of calories, fat, and sodium content... I'm not counting what horrible effects the food will probably have on us twenty years from now. The regular version, without bacon, had 960 milligrams of sodium. Yes, that's almost a full gram. Adding bacon increased the burger to 1190. That same burger was a 610 calorie behemoth, with a whopping 36 grams of fat.

In my opinion, the Arch Deluxe didn't fail because it didn't taste good. It failed because it was sold at the wrong restaurant. Who goes to McDonalds for high-quality food? The Arch Deluxe featured some unique and tasty ingredients that made it taste better than usual McDonalds fare, but it still used the same frozen quarter pound of beef used in the Quarter Pounder. It still used the same slice of cheese found on every other burger sold at the Golden Arches. It still was mass produced and left in a bin to keep warm until some unfortunate soul purchased it. (Once the orders dropped off, this had to have made the burger even less popular!) It was still being made by the same greasy high school kids that made your cheeseburger.

The Arch Deluxe might have succeeded somewhere else. It might have made it at Wendy's. It might have been a good candidate for a place like Arby's. It could have succeeded at a place that actually cares about quality, like In-N-Out. The truth is the gourmet chef hired to create the Arch Deluxe created something that was too good for McDonalds. It was too good for McDonalds to handle, and once America had tried it, they didn't want to try it again.

Posted by March at 06:10 PM | Comments (0)

April 24, 2006

Have We Learned Anything From Columbine?

So this kid has been accused of plotting to kill 15 (or more) of his classmates at Rogers High School.

It seems like a lot of these school shooting plots have been foiled lately. That's good, but isn't the fact that they exist at all troubling? I don't know anything about this boy. His friends all say he was a nice guy... that maybe he had mental problems. Somehow his life became so horrible that he decided he would take himself out, and take his classmates with him. Or in the very least he contemplated it... it's possible he never really planned to go through with it.

How does our school system respond? They arrest him. Ultimately he's responsible for his own actions. But what's going on in our public schools? It's troubling. Why are kids today becoming more violent, more angry, more willing to commit unspeakable acts against their peers?

Maybe the one size fits all solution of high school isn't working. Maybe we need to look into alternatives. High school is four years of fun, provided you're good looking, or popular, or a jock, or a cheerleader. It's not so fun if you've got acne, or you're awkward socially, or you're not very good looking, or you're just plain unique. Maybe you're a girl and you're losing your hair. Maybe you spend your nights writing fan fiction. Maybe you're totally in to binary lifters.

Or maybe you like guns. Maybe your dad physically abused you. Maybe your mom abandoned you when you were young. Maybe your uncle molested you. Maybe you don't even remember. Maybe you like guns because they give you power. They give you the power you never had as a child. Maybe it feels good to have a gun in your hand, to hold in your hand sheer deadly force. Maybe you're full of rage. Maybe you fantasize about taking out the very people who make your life so miserable. Maybe you wish you could kill them. Maybe you'd never do it.

Maybe you're Dylan Klebold. Maybe you're Eric Harris. Maybe you're Kip Kinkel. Maybe you're a psychotic raging killer. Or maybe going to a school filled with people who would tease and taunt you... maybe that wasn't the best idea in the world. Maybe the problem isn't you. Maybe it's them.

I don't know. I don't even pretend to know. I'm just saying... maybe. Maybe our public education system is seriously broken and we need to start taking the problem seriously instead of whining about school vouchers and hiding behind teacher's unions.

What do you think?

Posted by March at 10:05 PM | Comments (0)

Democrats Dumb Enough to Impeach Bush?

Apparently some little known provision allows state legislatures to call for the impeachment of the President. Illinois and now California are considering pushing for actual impeachment.



Well, let me mention first that none of the things that they are charging Bush with are impeachable offenses, nor are they even illegal. They are simply things that Democrats don't like. Well, you can't impeach the President just because you don't like him.

But let's just say you do. So you end up with... what... President Cheney? Durrrrrrr... is that better? Are the Democrats so short-sighted? Or are they so dumb that think impeachment means replacement by a Democrat.

The worst case scenario is that Cheney resigns, gets replaced by Condi Rice, and Bush gets impeached and we end up with President Condi for the next 10 years. Seriously, Democrats, are you THAT STUPID!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Also See: Howard Dean Thinks Cheney Shouldn't Remain VP

Posted by March at 08:16 AM | Comments (2)

April 22, 2006

Video of the Day: 4-22-2006

You know those racing games where you're driving crazy through the city and somehow you don't hit any other cars. What if somebody did that in real life? Well... I guess they did.

Posted by March at 06:29 PM | Comments (1)

April 21, 2006

Store Review: Covington Wal-Mart

The new Wal-Mart in Covington, Washington is tailored for Northwest shoppers. Using traditional materials like wood and brick, the store immediately has a more upscale feel than your traditional Wal-Mart, and shoppers are even blessed with natural light streaming through the large skylights on the roof. Is this an attempt by Wal-Mart to target the more affluent who are flocking to Covington and Maple Valley? If so, it's not working. Despite the upscale look and feel, this Wal-Mart has the same disgusting customers found at all Wal-Marts.

Once you've parked your car, you'll immediately notice shopping carts haphazardly placed all over the parking lot. For some reason Wal-Mart customers seem unable or unwilling to put their carts away.

Sadly, despite being the best looking Wal-Mart I have ever seen in my life, their clientele remains as pear-shaped as ever. The Covington Wal-Mart contains, instead of a McDonalds, a Subway. Eat Fresh! Jennifer and I decided to dive in and try some food there. Well, she did. I decided better of it when the person making her sandwich said "We don't got Swiss cheese no more." Then drool came out of her mouth and she said "Duh!" Well, maybe I'm exaggerating a little, but only a little.

The store is amazingly well laid out, and it's a great place to buy stuff cheap. Just plug your nose first.

(Originally published July 30, 2005)

Posted by March at 10:12 PM | Comments (5)

Taco Bell Wants to Know Who's Interested in Their "Fourth Meal"

I mentioned a couple days ago that Taco Bell is advertising the idea of a "fourth meal" between dinner and breakfast. TB is perfectly suited to cater to those people who decide to grab some fast food between, say, 11PM and 2AM. Of course, if you want to eat between 3AM and 5AM or so, your only choices are McDonalds or Jack in the Box, at least in these circles. There used to be some 24HR Taco Bells around, but I haven't seen one in a long time.

Apparently iChameleon Group developed the "fourth meal" website, because they appeared to be checking their referral stats. Why they would even notice us is beyond me, other than the possibility that nobody else is paying attention to the "fourth meal" campaign. The only other blog entry I could find is in German (I think.) And even then I think they're talking about the technology, not the actual food. Like I'd know anything about that... we're just happy when our category images aren't broken.

Posted by March at 09:48 PM | Comments (2)

Charlie Sheen Threatened to Kill Denise Richards?

Denise Richards filed papers today claiming that Charlie Sheen threatened numerous times to kill her.

Among her allegations: That Sheen abused prescription drugs after the 2004 birth of their first daughter, Sam, and told Richards "I 'better not tell anybody about his using these drugs and better keep it to myself.' I understood by these statements that (he) would physically harm me and our baby."

Richards also claims that, on the way to the hospital for the birth of their daughter Lola last year, Sheen placed a gambling bet by phone, and was checking his pager for the results as she was wheeled into surgery for her C-section.

Things turned violent on Dec. 27, 2005, according to the papers, when Sheen allegedly hit Richards's wrist and shoved her in the stomach after she confronted him about pornography Web sites featuring "very young girls" that he'd been visiting. She claims Sheen told her that "if I revealed anything about his lifestyle, 'You won't lay your head down at night.' I understood this to mean that he would kill me."

Several days later, she claims Sheen pushed her over while she was holding Lola and "said to me that he was going to have me killed."

So the guy is into (child?) porn, gambling, and drugs... but hey, I'm sure he knows his stuff on 9/11 still!

"Hey, call me insane, but did it sort of look like those buildings came down in a - in a controlled demolition?"

I don't know about insane... how about mentally ill?

Posted by March at 06:05 PM | Comments (0)

I Spy: A Woman Rear-Ending Me

So today we were coming back home and this lady is trying to get into my lane. I let her in (well, more like she let herself in) and she stops... she wants to get into the next lane as well! The gal behind me didn't realize what was happening and ran right into me.

Fortunately it was REALLY minor. She really didn't do any damage to the bumper itself, and once I brought it home it took a couple minutes to buff the scratches out completely. Even if it I couldn't, they were pretty small to begin with.

She offered me her insurance, and even some cash if I needed it, but I just didn't feel right about taking it. It wasn't worth my time or effort... it would easily have cost hundreds of dollars to repaint the bumper, and good luck matching it. In the end I figured I could polish out most of the scratches (and I was right) and just let it be.

She said karma would end up paying me back, but you know, it never does. I wish I knew why. But she was a nice lady, and it really wasn't her fault so much as it was the clueless one in front of me who caused traffic trouble.

Update: In hindsight, maybe I should have asked her for a JOB!

Posted by March at 05:38 PM | Comments (0)

I Spy: FJ, Fortwo, and S-Class!

A big I Spy update! Why do you care what cars I've seen on the roads? I don't know. I just like to write about it.

So I caught a black FJ Cruiser in Shoreline today. On the road it really looks nice... better in person than in pictures!

I've also been seeing a lot of 2007 S-Classes on the road. I don't know how long these cars have been out, but I just call 'em like I see 'em. They look real nice too!

And then today Jennifer and I dropped by our local Smart dealer. Well, kind of... they are Smart Fortwos that have been imported and modified to be street legal in (most of) America. They actually look nicer than I thought they would. In fairness, normally I don't mention cars unless I see them on the actual road. (I've seen FJs at the Toyota dealer for a while now, for example.) But I have a hard time believing anyone will spend $26-28K for one of these cars. Yes, they get good gas mileage... 40MPG or so. Yes, they're easy to park. Yes, they're cute. But a Prius isn't exactly giant, it gets even better gas mileage, and it's probably a lot safer in a wreck. (Plus it's cheaper.) And hybrids are cool these days.

Posted by March at 05:26 PM | Comments (0)

April 20, 2006

Product Review: Opera 9 Beta

So I decided to install Opera 9, because curiosity got the best of me, you know? And I did, and it said it was updating Microsoft Office. I thought that was strange. Sure enough, it updated it all right. It wiped the thing clear off the hard drive. THANK YOU Opera! I guess I forgot how much I hate you. Thanks for reminding me! YIPPEE!

Now I'll have to find my Office CD, but more importantly I have to find the cord to plug the CD-ROM into my tiny laptop, and then I have to find the CD-ROM player too. Thank you so much. It's been great.

Does anyone know if I can install off a CD-ROM over a network? That might make things easier.

Posted by March at 12:30 PM | Comments (0)

April 19, 2006

Taco Bell Wants You to Eat a "Fourth Meal"

Taco Bell appears to have a new advertising campaign suggesting their customers engage in a "fourth meal." It's described as "the meal between dinner and breakfast" and touts the fact that most Taco Bells are open pretty late.

Finding new avenues for profit must be hard in the fast food industry. After all, you can only raise prices so much, and it's hard to make a big impact on market share once you're an established leader like Taco Bell. Taco Bell isn't even open for breakfast, so they've only got the lunch and dinner crowd to cater to. Hey, wait! Why not just create a whole new meal!

This would have been marketing genius five years ago, but today fast food chains are under scrutiny for their contribution to our national obesity epidemic. I'm not saying they're to blame, but wouldn't you think trying to sell people on an additional, unnecessary meal might fuel the fire, so to speak?

Posted by March at 10:50 AM | Comments (0)

April 18, 2006

New BMW 3-Coupe is Officially Disappointing

Wow. BMWs started getting weird the last few years... some might even say ugly. I never thought they'd start getting awkward and downright boring. Leftlane News has the pics.

Posted by March at 08:55 PM | Comments (0)

Videos of the Day: 4-18-06

Long time no see.

Who needs traffic laws? They sure don't in India.

Hey, here's another great video! Oh, yeah, I know, it's the same exact video, but the subject is Videos of the Day, and if I show it twice, it's technically not a lie.

Posted by March at 08:41 PM | Comments (3)

April 17, 2006

Someone Else Spies: Next-Gen BMW 3 Coupe

Looks like someone has caught the next generation 3 series coupe uncamoflauged on it's way to an auto show?

ZOINKIES! I... kinda... like it. More pictures here.

Posted by March at 12:33 PM | Comments (0)

April 16, 2006

Back in My Day: Riding Illegal in a Pinto Edition

Remember the other day when I remembered that I rode in the back of a Pinto wagon on the way to Return of the Jedi? Get this... I found a picture of it!


Posted by March at 07:11 PM | Comments (0)

Michael and Rainy Review: Garden State

Michael: Wow. This movie was seriously boring. I know, it's supposed to be really good or something. But forty minutes in, Jennifer and I stopped the DVD because we had no idea what was going on. I'm sure if we'd kept going we would have found it really moving or intellectual or blah blah blah. But seriously, I don't have time to waste on stupidity. I was very disappointed.

Rainy: Michael doesn't know what he's talking about! This was an excellent movie! There was just enough action to make things interesting, but not too much that I couldn't follow it. Also, there are several dogs, and at least one cat. I was very disappointed when Michael stopped the DVD. Apparently *I* have no say in what movies we watch. I must say that I very much enjoyed Natalie Portman's performance.

Michael: What do you mean you enjoyed her performance. You spent the majority of her screen time attacking the television.

Rainy: That's the mark of a good performance!

Michael: Whatever. I give it 1 out of 5 stars.

Rainy: I give it 3 out of 5 stars, because it was good, but frankly there weren't enough cats.

Posted by March at 04:09 PM | Comments (0)

What Happened To the F-24?

Whatever happened to the F-24? For some reason the F-24 through F-34 disappeared, and the new F-16 replacement was designated the F-35. Furthermore, the F/A-18E and F/A-18F share little in common with the original F-18, although it looks very similar. It really should have taken on the F-24 designation, but it was politically advantageous to keep the F-18 moniker.

So how annoying is that? How annoying is it that there is no F-24 or F-25 or F-28 or F-34. I'm okay not having a F-13 or F-19... but that's a lot of numbers to miss.

I know, I know. Nobody cares.

Posted by March at 02:56 PM | Comments (3)

April 14, 2006

TomKat Looks Good

Many people are surprised by this picture of TomKat looking unusually uncreepy.

It's a rather nice photo. I would congratulate the photographer, who managed to make Tom Cruise slightly less creepy. But it turns out Tom used his Scientology powers to alter the world around him, making all the color in the world disappear.

Katie's really blissfully happy in this photo, but why does Tom look like he wants to take a bite out of Katie's neck? Is that the final step in her transformation into a obedient Scientologist? RUN CLAUDIA RUN!!!

Posted by March at 09:35 PM | Comments (2)

Tom Cruise: Giving Birth is Fun! WHEEEEEE!

Apparently Tom Cruise thinks that giving birth is just a whole bucket of fun!

The couple haven't decided whether Holmes will give birth in a hospital. "At home, maybe," Cruise says. "We're really going back and forth on that one. But it's gonna be a blast."

Normally I'd say Katie won't agree, but lately she just agrees with anything Tom says or thinks or might possibly think.

Tom also says that learning how to take care of the baby and mother after the birth is like a "fun game."

Gosh, Tom is so full of ridiculous things to say that he's taking up nearly all my time. In other news, I still don't have a job.

Posted by March at 03:57 PM | Comments (0)

Tom Cruise Says Katie's a Scientologist

There's so much news about TomKat lately that I had to resurrect my Xenu category. It's almost as if they have some movies coming out or something.

Speaking of resurrection, apparently Katie Holmes has forsaken the Lord Jesus Christ and turned into a full-blown Scientologist.

"No, I mean you can be Catholic and be a Scientologist. You can be Jewish and be a Scientologist. But we're just Scientologists," Tom tells Diane Sawyer tonight on ABC. Tom also claims that he's close with Katie's entire family and that they absolutely approve of Scientology. I'm sure they do.

Posted by March at 03:47 PM | Comments (0)

Under 4'9"? You Need a Booster Seat!

According to a new site from the government, if your child is under 4'9" they need a booster seat in the car.

REALLY? Doesn't 4'9" seem kind of tall? I mean, a few inches shorter and my wife would need one. We are really safety conscious these days. Check out how your kid is supposed to ride in a car.

That is the best behaved kid in a car I've ever seen. He's either on some serious Ritalin or he's just completed his first Scientology training course.

In some states these booster seats are actually required up until age 9! Kids sure get a lot more protection from the nanny state these days. These regulations are intended to protect kids from adult-sized shoulder belts. When I was a kid we were lucky if the car even HAD seat belts.

UPDATE: Jennifer says she was lucky when the car had a rear seat. When I was a kid I rode to Return of the Jedi behind the rear seat of a Ford Pinto.

Now THAT'S dangerous!

Posted by March at 02:30 PM | Comments (1)

Idiot Claims Fetuses Can't Feel Pain

Oh boy. An "expert" claims that a fetus can't feel pain... because it needs to be born and then learn what pain is after birth.

But to properly experience pain, the mind must also be developed, something which cannot happen until after birth. The mind permits the subjectivity of pain, said the U.K. expert, who has previously served as an unpaid consultant to Planned Parenthood of Virginia and Planned Parenthood of Wisconsin, as well as the U.K.-based Pro-Choice Forum.

"The key thing is representational memory," Derbyshire explained. "If you want to discriminate pain from hunger, from vision, or from any other sensational experience, you need to be able to label it in some way, and that will come from interactions with the primary caregiver," -- in other words, after birth.

Hey, moron! Can you really equate the feelings of hunger or vision with the feeling of getting your body violently ripped apart? Even my cat can tell the difference, and he's exceptionally dumb, even for a cat. Although, I think he might have you beat, intelligence-wise that is.

I don't know if a fetus is life or if we should outlaw abortion or any of that, but I do have some advice for you. Shut up! You have spent too much time in your little "intellectual" world and not enough time in the real one.

Posted by March at 12:08 PM | Comments (0)

April 13, 2006

Bizarrity of the Day: Suzuki XL-7

This is the new XL-7.


I can't decide if it's ugly or beautiful, to be honest.

Posted by March at 09:41 PM | Comments (0)

Lex Luthor's Blog

If you were able to stomach this week's Smallville, you may have noticed that Lex Luthor now has a blog. You can see it here. These week one of his project leaders writes:

Subject: WELCOME
Time: 9:00:00 GMT
Author: prjctmrc2africa (global mission leader)

Thank you for mobilizing on such short notice for this project. As you have no doubt been advised by your team leaders, breaking the seal on your mission documents has obligated you to the strictest confidentiality. Your only means of communication with me will be via this blog. Mr. Luthor and members of his scientific team will also be monitoring the proceedings through the blog, video updates from me and the chief archaeologist, and the images you upload.

BORING! It turns out that Lex has his own blog too, but he doesn't share it with just anyone. Here's what Lex had to say this week.

Date: April 13th, 2006
Author: lexluthor241
Currently Listening to: Five for Fighting

This week was so cool! So I was in the girls dorm at Met U, and this girl and I were totally about to do it. But then her roommate walked in on us. She was totally mad, cause she's gonna die an old maid. I was like "No wonder you can't get a boyfriend, loser!"

OMG, that hot girl just walked in! I bet she wants to do it. I'm totally going to put those pictures up on MySpace!!! TTYL!

Weird. Lex better watch out, cause after all that partying Clark did in Metropolis, Lana might just have SuperSyphilis. Ick.

Posted by March at 09:08 PM | Comments (0)

Tom Cruise Has Great Sex!

Tom Cruise says he has a great sex life with Katie Holmes.

TOM CRUISE enjoys a "spectacular" sex life with his pregnant fiancee KATIE HOLMES, because they have such good communications skills. The Hollywood actor reveals his sex secrets in the May (06) issue of GQ magazine, declaring the physical act is a "by-product" of a successful pairing.

First off, why is he telling us this? Why does he think we are interested in how much sex he is having with Katie Holmes? Does he NOT realize how turned off the general public is by his relationship with Katie and L. Ron Hubbard?

Second, how hard can it be to have great communication with someone who responds with a blank stare and statements like "Tom is the most incredible man in the world." I wonder if her Scientology minder joins them in bed too?

Posted by March at 12:16 PM | Comments (0)

April 12, 2006

Good News of the Day: April 12th, 2006

So I did a phone interview the other day, and I went in today for an on-site interview today. The job sounds like a lot of fun. I took a skills test and I think I aced it. I hope I did well. I can never really tell. I mean, maybe I'm just a bad interviewee, because sometimes I've walked out thinking "I ROCKED IT!" and then I get the call: "We chose the other guy." They always chose the other guy. Ugh. Maybe this one will turn out a little differently!

Hey, the other night I was walking back from the grocery store, and these three young women were outside taking pictures with their camera phones and actually generally annoying. Anyway, they asked if I wanted to go play pool with them. I told them I really needed to get to bed, and one of them started going on about how I obviously had a woman at home. Another girl was calling out "you could get a divorce." These girls were obviously drunk.

Thankfully, I do have a beautiful woman at home whose mere presence puts a smile on my face. On the other hand, it's nice to think I've still got it, you know. Jennifer is constantly dealing with guys at school who develop crushes for her. (She denies this, but I'm a guy, and I know, and I'm almost always right too.) Despite what my therapist thinks, I don't really mind this. It's nice to know that I'm the guy who got the great catch. But it's nice to know someone else might think I'm an okay catch too. Or at least nice enough to go out with. Drunk. Actually, the more I think about it, the less flattering it seems.

Posted by March at 03:16 PM | Comments (1)

April 11, 2006

Vote for the Washington State Quarter

The voting for the Washington State quarter has resumed after the online tally was skewed by invalid ballots and repeat voters. The Indian Orca design had received 60% of the votes, despite being hideously ugly.

In other news, Christine Gregoire has taken office after a 2004 gubernatorial election that was skewed by invalid ballots and repeat voters. The Democratic candidate received less than 50% of the votes, despite being hideously ugly.

Posted by March at 10:40 PM | Comments (0)

I Spy: 2007 Toyota Yaris

Seen today in the Eastgate neighborhood of Bellevue (slogan: Bellevue for Poor People): a blue 2007 Toyota Yaris sedan.

You know, it actually looks kinda nice!

Previously: 2007 Dodge Caliber
Mercedes-Benz R-Class

I'm seeing these R-Classes all over now.

Posted by March at 09:17 PM | Comments (0)

S is for Safeway

"Safeway" is the first word I ever read. I was trouble as a kid. For the first time since 1982, Safeway has decided to change their logo. This was the OLD logo that is still seen on most of their stores.

Even the new store they built down the street this year uses this logo, despite being built after Safeway rolled out a brand new, more modern logo.

Well, they finally put one of these logos on the Safeway in Kenmore. To be honest, it just doesn't look good. Jennifer figured it out though. The S just looks bizarre and lonely in the new logo. Kinda like this:

It looks like the Showgirls logo! S is for Showgirls! AHHHHHHH!

Update: Apparently the Showgirls logo was inspired by Sense by some guy named Tono Stano.

Posted by March at 07:19 PM | Comments (0)

Jennifer and Michael's Wedding Website

I ran across this the other day while googling Jennifer. It's something she wrote before we got married. What a sweetheart she is. It just makes me love her more and more and more and more! (Flowers and music notes appear over Michael's head.)

Posted by March at 07:02 PM | Comments (0)

2007 Oldsmobile Aurora

Check out the new 2007 Oldsmobile Aurora!

It's nice to see they've finally got a new Aurora out! It kinda-

What?! Oh. I guess I'm wrong. This is the new 2007 Saturn Aura!!! Well, how was I supposed to know? It looks like an Oldsmobile to me.

Here's the new Saturn Outlook too.

So did the Olds designers just move over to Saturn?

Posted by March at 03:02 AM | Comments (0)

How Scientology Brainwashes You

Don't miss this fascinating read. It compares the initially training of Scientology to brainwashing.

On the idea that one is using their MIND to control objects, in this case an ashtray.

By this point, I was so deluded by the concept of Tone 40 that the fact that I was LIFTING IT WITH MY HANDS was irrelevant. I gave the command, the ashtray stood up. After doing this for half an hour, I felt like God, lifting the ashtray by sheer intention. My Thetan's (Scieno-babble for "spirit") Intention was using my arms and hands, though that was only for convenience, since with sufficient intent they were not necessary.

By the way, I find Scientology fascinating in part because they have their own bizarre language. I imagine this comes from Hubbard himself, whose books are at times incomprehensible.

Posted by March at 02:34 AM | Comments (0)

April 09, 2006

I Spy: 2007 Dodge Caliber

Seen today in Lake City... an all-new 2007 Dodge Caliber. The new Neon replacement is amazingly even uglier (and more truck-like) in person.

Hey, just between you and me, but it looks like Dodge replaced their once-wildly successful Neon with a station wagon!

Previously: I Spy: Mercedes R-Class. (Saw another one yesterday too!)

Posted by March at 11:29 PM | Comments (4)

Wendy's Super Spicy Chicken?

Lately Wendy's has been running commercials promoting their Spicy Chicken. Apparently McDonalds now has a Spicy Chicken knockoff. I haven't tried it yet, and frankly probably never will, but I was thinking Wendy's ought to make an ever SPICIER chicken sandwich. Because, really, you can't go wrong making things MORE spicy.

I prefer foods that are so spicy that they start to make me cry. I'm not really happy until my nose starts running. The best place in the world for that kind of spiciness is Azteca. I go there and have their chips and salsa, and then their delicious fajitas. I wish I could go to Azteca right now. Yum.

Anyway, so my suggestion is Wendy's makes a Super Spicy Chicken. Of course, I previously suggested that Wendy's named a burger after their late founder, and they didn't listen to me then either.

Posted by March at 12:33 PM | Comments (2)

April 06, 2006

Man Gets 2 Million Hits to Assure Slow Destruction of His Relationship

This guy's girlfriend bet that he couldn't make a webpage and get two million unique hits. The bet? If he won, they'd have a menage-a-trois... two girls and one guy.

Needless to say, the online community rallied behind him, despite the fact that it's probably a scam to get people to sign up with metrodate.com, and he's gotten 2.5 million hits since his site got noticed in the last 24 hours.

Now his girlfriend has accepted that she lost the bet, and told him to go find a willing girl to join them.

She admitted she lost the bet!!! I think if it was closer to two million she may have wanted to count all the hanging chads, but since I clearly surpassed my goal she conceded. Then, she actually said these exact magical words, which I can still hear as if it were being said over and over: "Well, I guess a bet's a bet... go on and find your girl." After that she left - she said she was going shopping. Since she left so quickly I didn't have time to take a picture of her "I lost" face, but I'll try to get one later. I'm hoping she's out shopping for some sexy costume, but that seems unlikely.

Yes, because these things ALWAYS work out well in the end. Making your girlfriend so sad that she gives you her "I lost" face and then runs off to go shopping is a sure sign of things to come.

Relationship Rule #45: Have your three-ways BEFORE you get into a committed relationship.

Posted by March at 11:45 AM | Comments (0)

Happy 29th Birthday Mom!

My mom is turning 29 this year. Amazing how time flys! We'll try to keep Jennifer out of the hospital for this birthday. We'll be certain to buy my mom some really nice presents with all of our money!

Speaking of money, I had a job interview yesterday on the phone, and may end up in a final interview of just 2 to 3 candidates for a job down in Kent. Cross your fingers! I'm still waiting to hear back on the job in West Seattle too. What a nice birthday present that would be for my mom.

Posted by March at 11:12 AM | Comments (4)

Nothing Happens When NBC Plants Muslims at NASCAR Race

From MSNBC (ironically):

NASCAR said it was “outrageous” that “Dateline NBC” targeted one of its race tracks last weekend for a possible segment on anti-Muslim sentiment in the United States....

NASCAR said NBC confirmed it was sending Muslim-looking men to a race, along with a camera crew to film fans’ reactions. The NBC crew was “apparently on site in Martinsville, Va., walked around and no one bothered them,” NASCAR spokesman Ramsey Poston said Wednesday.

NBC will apparently be trying again this weekend in Texas. Over at Michellemalkin.com, one reader suggests the Muslims ought to wear Jeff Gordon shirts to assure harassment.

Posted by March at 11:01 AM | Comments (0)

April 05, 2006

Sharon Stone is Delusional

Apparently somebody forgot to tell the people at Contactmusic.com that April Fools day is over.

SHARON STONE will direct BASIC INSTINCT 3 in Britain, the actress has revealed. The blonde star is keen to continue the franchise - following her return as CATHERINE TRAMELL in the recently released sequel - but wants to step behind the camera next time around. Stone, 48, says, "There's a script for the next part of the story - but I would like to direct it rather than star in it. "It will be filmed in the UK again as the setting is more intense and gritty."

Oh, I'm sorry? That's not a joke? To make another sequel, doesn't your movie have to, like, make money or something?

Posted by March at 04:19 PM | Comments (0)

April 04, 2006

Great Moments in DSEA History!

From the Smoking Gun:

Meet Rachel Holt. The 34-year-old Delaware teacher is facing rape charges for allegedly having sex with a 13-year-old student 28 times during a one-week period last month. Holt, a science teacher at Claymont Elementary School, allegedly had sex with the boy, a student in her class, at her Wilmington home.... Last night, in an interview at New Castle County police headquarters, Holt admitted she had intercourse with the boy 27 times and performed oral sex once during the last week of March. She also revealed that another student, 12, had watched her having sex with the boy and that she had provided both boys with beer.

Sick, sick, sick, sick, sick, sick, sick, sick, sick, sick, sick, sick, sick, sick, sick, sick.

Posted by March at 07:35 PM | Comments (0)

Cops Retaliate After Journalist Exposes Them

A Florida journalist who exposed police reaction to complaints was retaliated against by the Broward Police Benevolent Association.

After exposing the images of improper police behavior in his investigative piece, CBS4’s Mike Kirsch’s own personal information was being flashed on the Broward Police Benevolent Association website.
What is normally referred to as a BOLO or Be On The Lookout by police - a bulletin announcing a criminal who is wanted - was being used by the Broward PBA to show Mike Kirsch as a wanted man. The website went on to show Kirsch’s personal driver’s license information.
When CBS4’s attorney’s wrote a letter to the PBA, they took down the BOLO, only to put it back up days later with his personal information such as home address deleted.

That journalist sure is ungrateful! We have the police in this country to protect us, when they're not busy making up things to pull us over for. It's not like the police in this country are made up of a bunch of uneducated idiots who never went to college! It's a vital service they provide to us, pulling me over for allegedly not stopping at a stop sign even though I had to wait for other people to go through the intersection. And that time I parked too close to a fire hydrant... that was a matter of national security! Praise the Lord for the police and whatever laws we passed that give them the right to act the way they do!

Posted by March at 03:27 AM | Comments (0)

April 02, 2006

Great Moments in MEA-MFT History

From KPAX (not the movie, but rather a CBS station from Missoula.)

The Sentinel High School teacher suspended for giving a student a hickey officially resigned. Missoula County Public Schools confirms Dan Kucera submitted his resignation several weeks ago.
Dan Kucera has not taught at Sentinel since January, after being charged with misdemeanor assault by Missoula police. Speaking for the first time about the situation, Kucera said today by phone he resigned for personal and professional reasons, but only after being abandoned by the district and teachers union. Kucera taught business at Sentinel high school.

"Excuse me teacher, can I call you a sick pervert for giving me a hickey?"

"Don't you mean MAY I call you a sick pervert for giving me a hickey?"


One of these days my mom and sister are probably going to disown me as they are teachers, but unlike these teachers they aren't sick perverts (well, not that I know of) yet they recieve receive the same treatment and pay. Ridiculous... and disgusting.

Posted by March at 01:11 PM | Comments (4)

April 01, 2006

Videos of the Day: 4-1-06

April Fools Day!

It's the videos of the day!

What happens when some really talented people play the gigantor keyboard at FAO Schwartz? Awesomeness ensues.

Godzilla wants you all in check. Or whatever. Really funny and then gets kinda old fast.

"YEAH! I'm about to win the race! I'm gonna totally celebrate too soon!"

I love it!

Posted by March at 01:41 AM | Comments (0)