I'm not sure what got me where I am today. Is it bad karma? Did I do something awful in order to deserve my life? Or is some sort of payment for all the good things I've had? I wish I knew. It's just one bad thing after another. And after a while... it starts to get old.
It started when Jennifer and I started dating. So there was something really good. I mean, life was great. And everything fell apart from there. I had some psycho calling me all the time. Then my car started overheating. Then my grandmother got sick. My grades started to suffer. My grandmother died. I failed my class. I got kicked out of the Honors program.
Meanwhile Jennifer and I got married. That was a good thing. But that wasn't some stroke of luck... it was our own doing, and in many ways we had to fight for it.
Finally I graduated. But nobody has seen fit to hire me. I go to interview after interview, and I hear back "we chose someone else." The little things start to pile on me. I get a parking ticket. Jennifer gets taken to the ER. I get another parking ticket. Jennifer ends up in the hospital. Today, the police pull me over for running a stop sign. At first I thought I must have missed a stop sign completely, because I had no idea what the guy was talking about. It had happened minutes before, and I had to stop for one other car, and then make sure the other two knew it was my turn. There was no possible way I ran it. I'm guessing the King County police just wanted to pull me over and find out if I had anything outstanding. I'm guessing they just hate me.
So it's just day after day full of little bits of bad luck. And it's not like I don't do the right thing... it's not like I don't try to the best kind of person I can be. I return money that has been found. I stop to let a little old lady cross the street. I help the guy on GMInsideNews who is getting attacked for his poor quality photoshop entries. I just find it in my heart to be nice. And it doesn't seem to count for anything. I just want something nice. I want my car to stop breaking every month. I don't ask for much. I want to work. I'd like to have a few nice things... nothing big. A place to call home, reliable transportation, a couch I can sit on. I don't want these things to fall in my lap. I think I deserve them.
I'd understand if it was some sort of payment... it's what I have to pay to be with Jennifer. But these things make Jennifer suffer too.
So part of me just gives up. I am just so exasperated. Every day it's something new... every stinking day.
That's my rant. I'm thankful to have Jennifer by my side. But sometimes I just feel so overwhelmed by life.