I'm not sure what got me where I am today. Is it bad karma? Did I do something awful in order to deserve my life? Or is some sort of payment for all the good things I've had? I wish I knew. It's just one bad thing after another. And after a while... it starts to get old.
It started when Jennifer and I started dating. So there was something really good. I mean, life was great. And everything fell apart from there. I had some psycho calling me all the time. Then my car started overheating. Then my grandmother got sick. My grades started to suffer. My grandmother died. I failed my class. I got kicked out of the Honors program.
Meanwhile Jennifer and I got married. That was a good thing. But that wasn't some stroke of luck... it was our own doing, and in many ways we had to fight for it.
Finally I graduated. But nobody has seen fit to hire me. I go to interview after interview, and I hear back "we chose someone else." The little things start to pile on me. I get a parking ticket. Jennifer gets taken to the ER. I get another parking ticket. Jennifer ends up in the hospital. Today, the police pull me over for running a stop sign. At first I thought I must have missed a stop sign completely, because I had no idea what the guy was talking about. It had happened minutes before, and I had to stop for one other car, and then make sure the other two knew it was my turn. There was no possible way I ran it. I'm guessing the King County police just wanted to pull me over and find out if I had anything outstanding. I'm guessing they just hate me.
So it's just day after day full of little bits of bad luck. And it's not like I don't do the right thing... it's not like I don't try to the best kind of person I can be. I return money that has been found. I stop to let a little old lady cross the street. I help the guy on GMInsideNews who is getting attacked for his poor quality photoshop entries. I just find it in my heart to be nice. And it doesn't seem to count for anything. I just want something nice. I want my car to stop breaking every month. I don't ask for much. I want to work. I'd like to have a few nice things... nothing big. A place to call home, reliable transportation, a couch I can sit on. I don't want these things to fall in my lap. I think I deserve them.
I'd understand if it was some sort of payment... it's what I have to pay to be with Jennifer. But these things make Jennifer suffer too.
So part of me just gives up. I am just so exasperated. Every day it's something new... every stinking day.
That's my rant. I'm thankful to have Jennifer by my side. But sometimes I just feel so overwhelmed by life.
Comments (1)
NO it is not bad kharma and no knowbody is out to get you this is just life. These are the multiple test set before us too see if we can handle life. And if we can not handle these very small menial things than we are no better than that drunk homeless guy on the street begging for beer money so yeah it could be way worse we could have no job no money and no place to live so just remember that life is only A test for our future and what we are to make of ourselves dont try to blame things that are happening as bad KHARMA and yes that is how it is spelled because your own life is what you make of it and you alone have the power to change your life and how you live. So just remember that everything happens for A reason And it is going to always be worse or bad before it truly gets better. AND THAT IS ON THE REAL!!!!!
Posted by GFUNKMASTER | March 30, 2006 6:05 PM
Posted on March 30, 2006 18:05