Teh Awesome! Archives

December 25, 2005

Our Salute to C. Everett Koop

Who's the best Surgeon General ever? C. Everett Koop! Once upon a time Koop was vital in disseminating information about tobacco and HIV, and is best known for one of the most ridiculous looking beards ever. I mean, I kinda get it. I can't stand hair on my upper lip, but I just choose not to grow a beard because of it. (A lower goatee and/or a soul patch is acceptable, although only back in my single days when I could get away with looking like a total moron.) Now Dr. Koop spends his time selling products for seniors who have fallen and can't get up. It's a great way to stay out of a nursing home, or so they say. It even says that Dr. Koop uses one himself. If they say so.

Runner up props go out to Jocelyn Elders, who got fired for acknowledging that it might be a good way to teach masturbation in school as a way to promote abstinence. That was just a decade ago. Boy were we prudish back then, though to be fair, I don't think it's really a very good way. I mean, I just don't think it's as fun. But that's just me.

UPDATE: Apparently people interested in Dr. Koop can pay him to come speak at their function or event. How much? $30,000. I need to become famous so I can charge thirty grand for a speech. Hey, I'll take THREE grand! I'll take three HUNDRED dollars for me to come speak at your event, and you don't even have to pay for travel expenses. I'm starving!

January 13, 2006

Subliminal Mel Gibson in Apocalypto Trailer

I don't know how I missed this one, but if you freeze frame the Apocalypto trailer at 1:46, you might notice this.

Mel Gibson stuck himself in the trailer. You'll never catch it just watching it at full speed, so you've got to freeze frame and then move forward frame by frame (with your cursor keys).

Mel Gibson is pretty cool.

January 21, 2006

Awesome: Asperger's Phone

Some genius just got a gigantic check for inventing a phone that changes colors depending on the mood of the caller, allowing Asperger's sufferers to pick up on social cues.

I imagine this could be useful for all of us though. Especially in those awkward interactions with women. "So you DID sleep with her?" What color is the phone? Better yet, maybe the phone should tell us how to respond. "Well, I never technically fell asleep!"

February 1, 2006

Conan Writer Visits Tech Support... in India!

This guy is getting tons of pop-ups on his computer, and they won't stop. So he calls NBC Tech Support... and he asks if he can just bring his computer to them. The woman on the line says she's in India. So he makes a special trip.

Watch it via YouTube!

February 9, 2006

Roomba is a Good Boy

The day in the life of a Roomba... cleaning, cleaning, cleaning, going back to your power dock. Roomba's so cute! Don't you just want one? Not for vacuuming... it doesn't really do a good job, does it? Just... cause. It's like a pet.

read more | digg story

February 22, 2006

Get Your Own Free Web Page

Now you can get your own free web page, as long as you use gmail. Just to think... no one ever came up with this idea before.

Here's MY free web page! You get 100MB. I'm not sure I get it... but whatever. Google has lots of money to throw around.

March 2, 2006

Touching is Good

After a couple months with my Nintendo DS, I am hopelessly addicted to the touchscreen. I try to touch everything now. I try to touch the top screen. I try to touch my laptop screen. I forget that not everything is so sensitive to touch.

I have become quite enamored with drawing on the DS as well. I fire up Pictochat and draw for fun. I have no one to chat with... I just sit there and doodle. I wish the keyboard would go away, because I just want to draw, not type.

Now I find myself wanting to draw on my laptop too. Now, I thought maybe I could use the DS stylus on my trackpad, but that doesn't work at all. It must detect only human touch... something about connecting a circuit or something. How should I know... I'm an economist, and I can't even get employed doing that!

So I'll have to get one of these instead. It's like a pen tablet, except the tablet is also an LCD screen. It's not as portable as I'd like though. A "tablet" PC would be great, but they seem kind of hefty. Pocket PCs are good too, but they're not really big enough to do really good drawing. (I don't know why I find the DS so fun to draw on, given that the space is even smaller!)

I won't be getting anything until I get a job of course, and even then....

March 22, 2006

Videos of the Day: 3-22-06

The best videos I found today!

The CNN Headline News set catches on fire! Oops. Not nearly as exciting as it sounds.

Some guy recreates a scene from Star Trek: First Contact. Surprisingly good.

Two guys make two music videos... Transformers vs Gangsta Rap. Bizarre.

George Bush with possibly the worst answer ever.

Some guy can't read his teleprompter. (From NBC, thus the laugh track.)

An insane NASCAR crash and the guy is uninjured. Crazy. Check out this crash too. That's why they pray before each race.

March 25, 2006

Videos of the Day: 3-26-06

What videos should you watch this weekend? Our expert video watcher Rainier has helped us with our selections.

Future American Idol winner Chris Daughtry sings "Walk the Line". I thought this guy was a winner from the minute I sawhis audition. I'd bet it all on him. Actually, I think I will!

Watch this guy play an electric violin like he's a rock star. Very, very cool!

A music video some person made where it looks like Hermione is in love with Harry. As ridiculous as that is, it does beg the question... wh ISN'T she in love with Harry? Ron is a total doofus. Harry is like the hero in every single book. In Goblet of Fire, Ron is in love with Viktor Krum, so I'd think at that point I'd make my move if I were Harry. One potential problem... Hermione appears to have no boobs.

April 9, 2006

Wendy's Super Spicy Chicken?

Lately Wendy's has been running commercials promoting their Spicy Chicken. Apparently McDonalds now has a Spicy Chicken knockoff. I haven't tried it yet, and frankly probably never will, but I was thinking Wendy's ought to make an ever SPICIER chicken sandwich. Because, really, you can't go wrong making things MORE spicy.

I prefer foods that are so spicy that they start to make me cry. I'm not really happy until my nose starts running. The best place in the world for that kind of spiciness is Azteca. I go there and have their chips and salsa, and then their delicious fajitas. I wish I could go to Azteca right now. Yum.

Anyway, so my suggestion is Wendy's makes a Super Spicy Chicken. Of course, I previously suggested that Wendy's named a burger after their late founder, and they didn't listen to me then either.

June 28, 2006


I totally fixed the comments thing. Now you have to have a Typekey account (sorry) because I'm tired of filtering through the ads for gay monkey sex. Thanks sis for letting me know it wasn't working. Sad that it took two weeks for anybody to notice.

April 28, 2007

Remember These?

Remember these commercials? They go way back.

Orson Welles sells wine.

Back when Michael Jackson was still unbeatably awesome.

Clean yourself with Irish Spring!

Armpit stains must have been a big problem in the 80s.

Michael J. Fox gets a Pepsi. (Is that Martin Sheen doing the voiceover?)

Get your Jordache jeans. Highly recommended for homos!

These boys are playing with a Y-Wing fighter and a deck of cards. Huh? Were their parents to poor to buy them a Hoth rebel base? Losers.

May 2, 2007

Arizona Has Their Own Caped Crusader

A masked man has taken to the nighttime streets near Phoenix, Arizona. Citizen Prime patrols the streets in his Nissan Xterra and a $4000 homemade super-suit! Armed with an arsenal of non-lethal weapons, Citizen Prime heads to crime-prone areas to deliver his own unique kind of justice. For example, one time he used his cell phone to alert police to a potential drunk driver. Another time, he stopped to help someone fix a flat tire.

Seriously, you have to check this one out.

May 14, 2007

The Case For Ron Reagan

The field for President in 2008 is looking, well, the same as it has for the last twenty years. In other words, pathetic. Look at the contenders. Hillary Clinton, a well educated woman who speaks with a southern drawl when pandering to the right voters. Barack Obama, a man who has trouble with numbers, and belongs to the "do as I say, not as I do" branch of liberalism. Meanwhile, on the other side of the aisle, we have people like Rudy Guiliani, who is a RINO if I've ever seen one. John McCain's straight talk worked eight years ago, but now we've seen enough of him to know better. There are a lot of other candidates, but most of them are long shots. Now, even Newt Gingrich is talking about getting in the ring. What do all of these people have in common? Well, first off, I don't believe any of them. By that I mean, if they're telling me something, I don't know if I can actually believe that THEY believe what they are saying.

John Kerry was a perfect example of this. It's not that he was a flip-flopper, so much as he was a horrible panderer (hat tip to SNL.) It's an art form that the Clintons perfected.

George W. Bush ran a great campaign in 2000. He positioned himself as a real conservative... someone who would be more Ronald Reagan than Bush 41. But after six years, he's failed to live up to those claims. Ronald Reagan cut taxes because it was the right thing to do... the top marginal tax rate went from 70 percent to 28 percent during his term (although throughout most of it said tax rate was 50 percent.) George W. Bush also cut the top marginal tax rate... from 39.6 percent, to a current 35 percent. But I've always had the feeling that those tax cuts have a lot more to do with perception that actual economic reality. I mean, if you're really rich, the difference between 70 percent and 50 percent, or better yet 28 percent... that's HUGE. That's the kind of tax cut that changes behavior. But a 4.6 percent drop in taxes? It's just... Reagan appeared to cut taxes out of principle. Bush appears to have cut taxes because that's what conservatives do... or more accurately, that's what Ronald Reagan did.

So, I don't know, maybe the problem isn't that we picked the son of a former President. Maybe the problem is that we picked the wrong son.

This is going to sound ridiculous, I know. Especially coming from someone who voted for Bush in 2004. Especially coming from someone who would likely vote for Bush again (theoretically) if he ran against any of the Democratic candidates currently running. But there's a certain respect I have for people who actually have conviction in their beliefs. Maybe it's time to forget about the Bushes and the Clintons and reconsider the Reagans.

I'm not talking about Michael Reagan, the adopted son of Ronald Reagan, and a political conservative. I'm talking about Ron Reagan. He has said that because he is an atheist he is unelectable. But that's exactly the kind of candor that would get him elected. In fact, it's exactly the kind of candor he inherited from his father.

People didn't love Ronald Reagan because of his politics. They loved him because he was Ronald Reagan. He was straight and direct and he seemed to be kind. But most of all, he believed that what he was saying was true, and by that standard he was not a liar. I'm not sure that today's candidates could say the same.

Ron Reagan is not his father. He is liberal, for one. As President, he would enact policies that I can't say I would agree with. But you know what he is? He's straight and direct, and he seems to be kind. But most of all, he believes in what he says. You can tell. I'm sure he believes things that I don't believe.

And I think he is electable. I think he could run as a Democrat and attract many Republican voters who are looking for a fresh change. I think he could run as a Republican too, because the party could use some shaking up. We have stood behind our President and maybe that has been a mistake. Maybe we should rethink stem cells and the war on Iraq.

And most of all... I would vote for him. I would vote for him knowing that he does not believe what I believe. But that's why we have checks and balances. I would vote for him because I believe he ultimately IS his father's son. He would be thoughtful and kind, truthful and humble. He would be upfront and honest, and because he has seen his father stumble, he would perhaps be even better. And he would be wrong. I think he'd be wrong about public education. I think he'd be wrong about a woman's right to choose. But his father was wrong too. Aren't we all? What's more damaging to this country? A man who believes that we should not overturn existing abortion laws or a man who spends hundreds of billions of dollars on a misguided, bloody war?

I know he would probably never run. I know that part of his appeal is that he reminds us so much of his dad. (He does have his parents good looks, although I don't know where the ballet thing came from.) But I can't help it... I think he would make a great President. And you know what? I think his dad would have agreed.

June 23, 2007

Marchdecember is Filthy


July 2, 2007

Potential Metallica Sequels

Remember when Metallica decided that The Unforgiven was SO awesome that they should make a sequel? Seven years later, they released a unique and original track: The Unforgiven II.

That got us to thinking that Metallica should totally do this some more. We think the best candidate for this treatment would obviously be "One." We are anxiously awaiting the arrival of the new Metallica track: One II.

UPDATE: After One II, we think they ought to release The Unforgiven III. Awesome!

July 4, 2007

How Could They Possibly Create a Game Better Than Guitar Hero???

Oh, THAT'S how.

October 23, 2007

Celebrity Watch

Penn Gillette, of Penn and Teller fame. Seen in the Taco Bell drive-thru in Mukilteo. Well, provided that Penn Gillette drives a 1997 Buick Skylark. Also, it technically MIGHT have been a woman. I'm just not sure.

November 1, 2007

Awesome Advertising Mashup: Chicken McNugents

Here's an idea to help McDonalds increase sales. Create a special Ted Nugent-themed Happy Meal, featuring Chicken McNugents. They would be just like regular nuggets, except shaped like guitars, musical notes, guns, and the NRA logo. Or alternatively, to save money, they could just be regular McNuggets with a different name. Probably nobody would notice the difference.

They could also adopt the tagline "McDonalds doesn't kill people, people kill people!" Or better yet, "McDonald's doesn't kill people... just eating it does."

This blog is the most genius blog in the world.

About Teh Awesome!

This page contains an archive of all entries posted to marchdecember in the Teh Awesome! category. They are listed from oldest to newest.

Stuff I Should Win a Pulitzer For is the previous category.

Things That Shouldn't Be is the next category.

Many more can be found on the main index page or by looking through the archives.

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