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May 04, 2005

Melvin's Blog: My First Entry

I hate it here. Every day I try to make the females life miserable. Last night, she picked me up, so I gave her precious leg a three inch gash with my back claw. And just to make matters worse, I made sure to leave a special pile of poop on the sheets this morning.

My attempts to escape have consistently failed. Last week I tried to escape, but I was sidetracked by some ducks, and caught by the female.

Meanwhile I must put up with the constant playfulness of the stupid kitten, who is easily entertained by just about anything. I have encouraged him to get into trouble in the hopes that he will be sent back to whatever horrible place he was spawned from. I have tried, but failed, to make it look like he has left various surprises around the house.

The female has forced us to eat healthy foods, which means I am now forced to eat like an actual cat. Despite my constant begging, the humans are abusing me, unwilling to share their Cheetos and Wendy's french fries with me. Surely this must be against the law.

I am starting this blog to chronicle the success and failures of my attempts to escape, or at very least maim my captors. I will keep you posted on the latest developments involving me and the three idiots I live with.

-Melvin

Posted by March at May 4, 2005 11:19 PM

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