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August 19, 2004

Is Sex Within a Marriage a Sin?

Is it a sin to have sex with your husband? That's the question one girl asks on a Christian message board.

Is sex withen a married couple sinful, if your just having it; because it feels good? I mean, if your not trying to reproduce. See here is the truth of the matter. My Father works with the man I am promised to; and that man is a virgin. Shhh..... He's 30 years old, yet he was in Satan's bondage of a homosexual lifestyle for 25 years. Well, two birds of a feather flock together. I was an exotic dancer for several years, & I dabbled in bi-sexuality for several years also. But, anyways we will be married sometime soon....

However, can someone give me scriptures to back up that God gave us sex as a gift, not only intended for having children. If the Lord did in fact intend for us to have sex, without the intention of having children.

Thank you so much, I need to know how to back up my claims if he trys to get out of the sack with me on those basis. It is foreign to him, & it's not his fault.

Ah, I love born again Christians, because they've always got to get in that part about their former sinful life. Oh, but anyway, back to the topic at hand, I thought this was very odd. She needs scripture to make sure her future husband won't try to get out of the sack? Huh, does the thought ever occur that maybe he just doesn't want to have sex... maybe due to his 25 year homosexual lifestyle? (He was gay since he was 5? Whatever.)

So, I responded:

Look, let's get real here. The guy obviously doesn't want to have sex with you, if you have to CONVINCE him to have sex with his wife!

Either he's not attracted to you (because he's still gay) or he has serious issues about sex. Either way, you need to seriously reconsider your marriage to him. I'm telling you right now, you will be extremely unhappy in life if you don't sort this out now.

This seemed sensible enough! Hopefully she'd take it to heart. But she responded:

I'm sorry your opinion is so negative; & biased. Yes, biased by the world. This is a strong man of God, & BTW you need to seriousely reconsider your hair-cut, buddy.

Ouch! Apparently she didn't like my little avatar, stolen directly from the first version of marchdecember. So check out this response.

No, it is not biased by the world, but rather biased by the truth....

I was not saying you needed to end your relationship with this man, simply that you seriously need to RECONSIDER. Questioning where you are in life, why you are there, and where you are going, can only strengthen yourself. Sometimes it strengthens your resolve to continue down the path you are on. Sometimes it reveals mistakes and fallacies, and allows us to correct for them.

It is my belief that you need to question whether or not this man is who God wants you to be with. If, in your opinion, God wishes for us to be physically intimate with our spouse, and this man needs to be prodded to engage in sex, then you need to question whether or not it is God's plan for you to marry him.

I listed one possible reason (homosexuality) for his lack of interest. There are others. It is possible that he equates sexual activity with his "dirty" past, that is homosexual tendencies. If he was sexually attracted to men, he could be put off by the very idea of sexual attraction. I am not a psychologist, and I can only speculate and guess even if I was.

I am simply saying be WARY and consider all possibilities. Sex is a beautiful thing, meant to be enjoyed within the confines of marital bliss. Regardless of why he does not want to participate, it's my belief that you will be very unhappy if you do not resolve this issue now. That's true for any issues during the engagement period. Often couples don't seriously discuss and resolve important issues only to have them wreak havoc on the marriage at a later time.

You can call me negative and biased. Or you can seriously consider what I've said, and use it to better yourself and perhaps your partner as well.

Best wishes to you and your future,
Tux

P.S. My wife loves my hairstyle!

That was that. There have been no responses in days, which has frustrated me, because I obviously wrote that for nothing... or she read it and couldn't disagree with me. I'm not interested in arguing this further with her, but I just think her relationship sounds very strange and perverted in it's own way. Plus, uh, why is she attacking my hairstyle? No comment on the picture she uses. Ick. (Oops, that was a comment!)

Posted by March at August 19, 2004 11:05 AM

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